#iwannabeaphotographer

Today, I did something really impulsive - I ordered a photography book for beginners, the kind that is supposed to introduce you to the art and hopefully teach you how to take a relatively decent picture. This is impulsive for several reasons:
1) I've always been semi-against taking pictures. I really like the idea of photography, but I've always felt that I don't want to spend too much time behind the lens of a camera and miss living-in-the-moment. In reality, I think this is just an excuse. I'm most likely against pictures because I'm too lazy to ever pull out my camera and because three-year-olds take better pictures than me.
2) I didn't even try to find another item on Amazon to help me qualify for free shipping. I only needed ten more dollars! Only after I finalized the order did I remember a hundred other things that I could have added on. Typical.

For some reason, I'm really excited about the idea of getting this book and fooling around with my old camera. Over the past months, I've had this burning desire to create, whether it be making music or writing or simple crafts from Pinterest. There is an immeasurable joy from creating something from nothing, from being able to attach your name to something that has the potential to inspire and bring joy to others, from being able to let the Holy Spirit flow freely through you to create something that points to Truth and Life. The more I create, the stronger the desire grows. I spend all of my time daydreaming about exploring the city and taking pictures, painting a landscape that's worth hanging up or cooking food that is so rich and wonderful that my friends are always hoping for a dinner invitation. I want so badly to create something that will allow others to see and know Jesus in ways that words often fail to express.

I'm not sure if I'll be good at photography, or if I'll even like it. It excites me, though, that I'm one step closer to hopefully finding something that I'm passionate about and can use to further God's kingdom. I don't think everyone will find a passion in the category of what is classically considered "art" (let's be honest, I probably won't!), but I think it's imperative that everyone creates. Our Father in Heaven is the most beautiful and wonderful Creator ever imaginable, so it only makes sense that we, as image-bearing creatures, would create too! Creation can come in so many forms, from building a spreadsheet to painting a picture to making a grocery list for the week. We are all creators, and I pray that we would use our gifts to create in ways that allow the Lord to do amazing things through us, creation that points to the Ultimate Creator. Amen.

My Name is Not "Those People"

As soon as we think we know something, we realize we know nothing.
As soon as we feel good about ourselves, we are humbled.
As soon as we think we know beauty or love or joy,
God shows us that there is always more than we could ever expect.

Isn't God just awesome like that?

Lately, I'm getting super excited to have time off from school so that I can just soak up this amazing world, so that I have time to paint and write and read and sleep and watch the rain (or snow!).

But because I don't have time for that at the moment, I wanted to share the below poem with everyone. My social welfare and justice teacher passed it out to the class, and now it's hanging on my wall, helping to remind me why I love God and people and how badly I want some darn justice in this world.

My Name is Not "Those People"

By Julia Dinsmore

My name is not "Those People".
I am a loving woman, a mother in pain,
Giving birth to the future, where my babies
Have the same chance to thrive as anyone.

My name is not "Inadequate".
I did not make my husband leave us -
He chose to, and chooses not to pay child support.
Truth is though; there isn’t a job base
For all fathers to support their families.
While society turns its head, my children pay the price.

My name is not "Problem and Case to Be Managed".
I am a capable human being and citizen, not just a client.
The social service system can never replace
       the compassion and concern of loving grandparents, aunts,
       uncles, fathers, cousins, community -
       all the bonded people who need to be
But are not present to bring children forward to their potential.

My name is not "Lazy, Dependent Welfare Mother".
If the unwaged work of parenting,
         homemaking and community building was factored
         into the gross domestic product,
My work would have untold value. And why is it that mothers whose
Husbands support them to stay home and raise children
Are glorified? And why they don’t get called lazy or dependent?

My name is not "Ignorant, Dumb or Uneducated".
I got my PhD from the university of life, school of hard everything,
I live with an income of $621 with $169 in food stamps for three kids.
Rent is $585...That leaves $36 a month to live on.
        I am such a genius at surviving,
        I could balance the state budget in an hour.
Never mind that there's a lack of living-wage jobs.
Never mind that it's impossible to be the sole emotional, social,
       Spiritual, and economic support to a family.
Never mind that parents are losing their children
       to gangs, drugs, stealing, prostitution, the poverty industry,
       social workers, kidnapping, the streets, the predator.
Forget about putting money into schools...
       just build more prisons!

My name is not "Lay Down and Die Quietly".
My love is powerful, and the urge to keep my children alive will never stop.
All children need homes and people who love them.
All children need safety
And the chance to be the people they were born to be.
The wind will stop before I allow my sons to become a statistic.
Before you give in to the urge to blame me,
        the blames that lets us go blind and unknowing
        into the isolation that disconnects
        your humanity from mine,
Take another look. Don't go away.
For I am not the problem, but the solution.
My name is not "Those People".